Mindset Check: Expense or Investment?
Part II of the “The Risk of Sticking With Our Status Quo” Series.
Last post, I wrote about how we’re hardwired in ways that often bias us to preserve the status quo rather than risk change - and told the story of a couple I coached who overcame their fears and doubts in a remarkable way and moved forward on an important life dream.
This week, I want to share a personal story that illumines another angle on how our hardwired cognitive biases can hold us back from investing in ourselves and the future we want.
Because all too often I think we frame potential investments as risky expenses and hold back from making commitments that could really move the dial in powerful new ways for us.
When the Time Came for Me to Get a New Coach:
All right, so maybe you don’t know this about me, but for my first decade of coaching, I ran a part-time private practice while also doing various non-profit sectors jobs, such as staffing a crisis line for women impacted by abuse and violence, teaching health literacy at a local college, and coordinating a peer-to-peer youth helpline program.
Side note: I stumbled into entrepreneurship very organically at age 32, almost ‘by accident.’ I never even put a shingle out: I had started my coaching training and a lovely graduate studies friend asked me if I’d coach her (of course!) and my practice grew from there.
From the moment I discovered coaching it was a great fit and I loved it but I never imagined self-employment in my youth or early adulthood and I was intimidated by the idea of running a business.
As my coaching practice grew through word of mouth, I felt increasingly passionate about using this approach to helping people pursue their authentic paths, stop letting fear hold them back, and experience more peace and joy in their lives.
I wished I could coach at a full-time capacity but I didn’t feel confident I could earn enough money to make it work, so I never took the risk to try and make that happen - and I valued and enjoyed elements of my work in various organizations, too.
At age 39, I gave birth to my first child (my son Tosh) and during that maternity year with him, I started having inklings that when the time came to resume paid work, I would love to step up and find a way to wholeheartedly pursue my vocation. I wanted to focus 100% on the dynamic, creative work that felt most soulful and vital to me - and I wanted to commit to it full-time.
I also recognized that, as a parent and partner, I was no longer responsible for predominantly myself and I needed to take more seriously my financial health and ability to make a decent livelihood.
If I went for building my practice full-time, I had to make new levels of bank. The stakes were high - and I didn’t feel like a kid with endless decades to experiment in anymore. On the brink of forty, retirement, aging and long term security suddenly seemed closer and more real than they ever had.
At root, I wanted to more fully walk my own talk and not let fear hold me back. I wanted to make brave decisions grounded in a deeper level of trust: trust in myself and a kind of hard-to-articulate trust in Life to have my back.
In short, I wanted to go wholeheartedly after what I really wanted.
I simultaneously began to contemplate that if I continued thinking, speaking and taking action in the same old ways - that when it came to making a livelihood doing what I felt most called to do in the world - I wouldn’t get new or adequate results.
I had also begun to recognize that my struggle to generate adequate income was not a reflection of my coaching skills and competencies (it was more and more clear that most of my clients were getting great results working with me). Rather, it was dawning on me that I was a well-developed coach but a completely under-developed entrepreneur.
For a long time I had believed that more coaching training, more peer and supervisory mentorship, and more ‘confidence’ was all I needed to fulfil my professional dreams (it was also a pretty natural affinity to just soak up that stuff endlessly) - it had never crossed my mind that the education that might really change the game for me would be in business(!).
During the extended period in which I straddled work in the nonprofit sector and my coaching practice I was afraid to go all in and commit to working full-time at what I most loved.
In the summer of 2018, at age 42, still grappling with how to evolve my coaching practice and just starting to emerge from the (wonderful but exhausting!) weeds of parenting - then two young children - I heard about business coach, Lianne Kim. I didn’t know it yet, but she was about to help me transform my business and my life in big ways.
That spring, I had invested in an online business education program with Marie Forleo called BSchool. Having just spent a couple of thousand dollars on that venture, when I contemplated the possibility of working with Lianne, I thought, how could I dare consider or justify spending thousands more on a business coach?!
I had worked with many coaches and mentors before but not a business coach and Lianne’s rates were serious-no-joke-number-of-dollars, at least for my financial reality.
I worried. Oh my god, am I throwing money into a vortex? Am I getting caught in fantasies and sucked into programs that aren’t actually going to get me new results? Am I avoiding simply doing the work, endlessly seeking guidance and hand-holding? What’s wrong with me? Am I getting dependant on others when I should be able to buck up and execute on my own?
But I loved my consultation with Lianne, felt inspired by the vision we discussed of what was possible for me and my work, so I took some further exploratory steps: I interviewed two of her past clients - and those conversations started to build my faith that if others could achieve great results, perhaps I could, too.
I finally hit the wall and realized:
Lianne and her services are worth that investment
More importantly, I’m worth that investment
If I don’t make a change, I’m unlikely to get new results in my life
I’m willing to take a risk, give this opportunity my all and see what I can shift
I drew on my meagre savings, was prepared to accumulate credit card debt (and did, for a while!) and took the leap to sign up with Lianne.
I won’t pretend I didn’t freak out a bit after I purchased my first coaching program with her!
That did happen. ;)
But thank god I stayed the course.
Stepping up in this way was a game-changer moment for me: I finally committed my time, my money, and my wholehearted intentionality to the path I had yearned to walk for years: it was a highly meaningful moment of finally going all in on my professional dreams.
I also wasn’t completely naive and pie-in-the sky:
I had the privilege of having some financial and emotional support from my partner (but I had to make money; this was and is not a luxury hobby biz, peeps!) AND
I had a Plan A [go all in, my business grows, I see evidence that I can make a decent living at this and continue to enjoy the work] and a Plan B [if I give it my all and it’s just not profitable enough within 2-3 years then I figure out another employment path].
But I didn’t want to live with the regret of never fully going for my dream; it felt so worth the risk to commit and give it my absolute best.
And hey, spoiler alert - with support from Lianne, so many good things have come to fruition:
I’ve overhauled my entire business model in creative, positive ways (wow!)
This long-dreamed-of blog now exists (thank you, dear readers!)
I continue to be privileged to work with amazing people I adore (thank you, dear clients!)
I’m making a living (though the amount going to childcare is astonishing, laugh/cry!)
In addition to 1:1 work, I now offer group coaching and a new online program (exciting!)
Holy shoot, I’ve also had to walk my talk around (continually) practicing trust, not letting fear run the show, daring to honor my gut wisdom and paying attention to my heartfelt desires.
(It’s been a process of strengthening these psychological, spiritual, and emotional muscles).
I’ve grown so much: not only as a coach and entrepreneur but as a whole human being.
I experienced surprising, unexpected benefits, too:
I never anticipated getting passionate about business. Lately, I’m getting downright nerdy about business design, business models and how female entrepreneurship may exert restorative, important influence in our world at a critical historic moment (check out SheEO, for example!).
I also didn’t foresee developing many new connections and my community network through working with Lianne (she’s also got a membership community of mama-entrepreneurs called Mamas & Co). So, the leap I took helped me get the results I wanted AND so much more.
At the time, it felt so risky to say yes to that coaching journey. With my loss aversion, uncertainty and negativity biases all fired up, I saw the price tag of working with Lianne as an expense.
But wow, I can see 100% clearly from this vantage point that I actually faced far greater risks had I persevered with my status quo - if I had stuck with my old circumstances, mindsets, tools, blind spots, and the limited knowledge I held when it came to running a business.
To get the transformative results that I have, I HAD to risk new change and growth.
The mindset game-changer for me was to stop looking at coaching as a risky expense and to reframe it as a crucial investment in myself, my business, and the future I wanted to cultivate.
Now, let’s consider the implications of this story more deeply.
Expense or Investment?
I see variations on this dilemma with my own clients all the time.
Whether they’re contemplating coaching or other personal or professional growth supports, they’re often weighing options and holding various considerations in mind:
Do I take the leap?
Is that too expensive?
Is this a smart investment of my money - or time - or attention?
What’s at stake? What’s at risk?
When we consider supports we might draw on to support or expedite our journeys, we can get freaked out, doubt our ability to get the returns we want and hold back on making a move.
If people are focused on what they might lose and results they might not get, then they tend to see those supports primarily as an expense and will be more likely to say no to them.
But if they focus on what they may gain and nurture faith in themselves, the guide or process and the transformation they want to create in their lives, then they tend to see process as an investment in themselves and the change they want and are willing - even happy - to make it (even if it’s also a bit - or a lot! - scary-exhilarating).
Same opportunity yet very different framing - and that mindset contrast makes a BIG difference and impacts decisions and results in peoples’ lives.
I am not saying this to judge people who don’t pursue coaching or personal/professional growth education or to encourage people to disrespect their financial priorities and budgets - at all!
But I do believe that framing spending money (or time) as an expense OR as an investment is profoundly influenced by the biases I laid out last post (Part I).
Listen, when it comes to coaching, of course there will be times when it’s not the right thing for someone - not the right timing, not the right financial decision, or not the right client-coach fit.
I also don’t intend to convey that growth, growth, growth is always the valued pursuit - that assumption feels like it’s influenced by a dominant (arguably unsustainable and out of balance) economic model that has pervasive influence on our political and social systems and worldview.
(Psst: fascinating podcast on how rethinking growth-oriented economies may save the planet here and more from me on the macro level when it comes to change and the status quo in Part III of this series).
There is a time for everything and sometimes a season of our lives calls for rest, for dormancy and a fallow period, for integration, or for healing - and let’s face it, for atrophy and dying, too. The cycles of life show us clearly that growth is not the only principle to honor and cultivate.
But too often, I think we hold back on investing in ourselves and our potential because of those dang hardwired protective fears: those uncertainty, negativity, and loss-aversion biases.
Sometimes, when we’re focused on expenses and not seeing investments or opportunities, we miss out on stepping up and committing to ourselves in powerful new ways - whether to cultivate growth or to access support with those other processes too, such as grief, letting go, healing trauma, or navigating transition.
At this point in my life, I have invested a TON in coaching, therapy, ongoing education and mentoring over the years and I hands-down view those investments as some of the best money I’ve spent in my life!
#NoRegrets
So, let’s turn the tables and give you a chance to relate this to YOU.
Is there anywhere in your life that you’re:
focused on a potential expense?
deciding that something is out of reach?
diminishing your resourcefulness rather than figuring out creative solutions to get after what you yearn for?
not having faith in your ability to make a return on your investment?
holding back and not committing?
Do you want to practice some of the activities I suggested in Part 1 of this series and start ‘seeing’ investments that can help grow who you are and the conditions of your life?
One thing that also may help is this:
Can you think back on wise investments that you made in the past that you now can’t imagine your life without?
A conference where you met the mentor who changed your career trajectory
Purchasing a course that connected you with an invaluable collegial group of mates
Investing in coaching or therapy that shifted your fundamental wellbeing and capacity
Taking a trip where you met your (now) spouse or discovered your future home
Sometimes bringing these experiences to mind bolster our faith in wise risks we’ve taken in the past and help us choose healthy, nourishing ones we might want to take now.
I guess this whole post really brings home the old adage: in the end, we’re more likely to regret the things we didn’t do than the things we did.
So, especially when you’re mired in decision-making, I hope you’ll keep working to help your brain get more excited about opportunities and possible gains than freaked out about risks and losses.
Because if you only see expense and can’t see investment or opportunity you may play small or stuck - and I wish more for you.
(And when you dare new, bigger, or different, so often benefits ripple into our larger world, too).
As always, I welcome your thoughts and questions in the comments below.
With respect - and faith in you!
P.S. If want to hear more about how I grew as a small business owner or learn more about business coaching, in general, please enjoy a podcast conversation I had a while back with my coach, Lianne Kim, here. She calls this episode, Taking Massive, Rapid Action! ;)
P.P. S. Have you been feeling stretched thin or depleted lately but it’s tough to slow down or get the rest you long for? If you’re running on fumes but have a lot of commitments to honor and more of an ‘uphill climb’ to go, you might appreciate my recent FB live video, where I get real about my own recent experiences and share some care and a few tips (spoiler alert: it’s not polished, I’ve got pink eye and am getting over a cold and I’m keeping it REAL here, peeps!). Many people seem to be feeling this way lately, so wanted to share on this theme. If it’s relevant to you, hope it helps. XO N
Nicola Holmes is a Life Coach who helps people turn their potent questions, dream and longings into inspired action. With warmth and wisdom, she’ll guide you to untangle constraints and cultivate courage to create a more aligned and joyful life. She has a BASc in Human Development, an MEd in Adult Learning and spent two decades working in the non-profit sector. Along with coaching for the past 14 years, she’s mama to two young spirited kids and dedicated to Buddhism. Having experienced long Covid and a move over the past two years, she brings deep empathy to others who are exploring how they’ve changed and who they’re becoming in turbulent times. Check out Nicola @nicolaholmescoach or join the email party for inspiration and resources to fuel the changes you want.