How to Enjoy December

Are you feeling grounded, calm, joyful?

Or does a scramble of exhaustion, stress or overwhelm sound more like it?

Perhaps you’re very much a mixed bag of various states and emotions.

There’s often so much dang pressure to be festive, happy, and social at this time of year - even though nature’s winter rhythms invite us to quiet and slow down and many of us in the Northern hemisphere are depleted and/or experiencing some level of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

I wanted to write this post as a little love letter to you: to support you having the best December you can, whether you’re celebrating any festivities or not.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or over-committed, here’s my first suggestion:

1: Dump To-Do’s Onto the Page

Look at all you need or want to do in the coming weeks and get them onto paper.

For example: 

• I’ve got to sign up my kid for winter skating lessons

• I still need to get stocking stuffers

• I really want to carve out time for a personal Winter Solstice ritual

• I’m in charge of appetizers at my aunt’s Hanukkah gathering

• Shoot, I still need to RSVP for that New Year’s party

Please don’t underestimate the benefit of this process alone!

Once you see it all scribbled out in front of you, I hope you find there’s less chaos and more calm inside that sweet head of yours - and that you’re better positioned to determine your priorities.

2. How can you protect three Priorities?

My second suggestion is that you look at the list you generated and consider what you actually want to do - not what you believe you must or should do but truly want to do.

Put a star beside 3 things you anticipate will bring you the most peace or joy ahead. 

3. is there one thing you can do this week?

What can you do in the next three days that might substantively uplift your December?

Take a baby step that will move you towards realizing one of those three above longings.

For example:

• invite a dear friend over for a meal and savour a heart-to-heart before a flurry of activity

• carve out a whole hour to slow down and thoughtfully prepare for the weeks ahead

• cancel an appointment that can wait

4. Give yourself radical permission

Entertain the notion that you don’t have to do ANYTHING that you don’t want to do - even if it defies social expectations. For example: 

𝤿   you don’t have to write and send holiday cards 

𝤿   you don’t have to stay overnight with the in-laws

𝤿   you don’t even have to visit them at all (!)

𝤿   you don’t have to buy any presents this year

I mean, really. Sometimes it seems like dominant seasonal social patterns are so established that they feel locked in. I encourage you to step back and evaluate what you believe ‘what you must do’ so that you can make more conscious choice as to what you truly do and don’t want to do. 

5. Let go of one thing

So, if you could let go of just one thing on your December / early January ‘to-do list’ that gives you the biggest sigh of relief, what is it? 

Even if it feels scandalous or you know your aunt will disapprove or the kids will declare mutiny or you might regret it, please trust yourself and run a new experiment this year.

I know it’s tricky to discern. Sometimes things that nurture future joy also require a lot of work and yet they’re worth it. Or you might do something you don’t really love because that’s a better choice than enduring conflict, criticism or judgment if you set a boundary. Tough choices.

Nonetheless, I lovingly dare you to let go of at least one thing on your list whereby your shoulders drop a little or your jaw slackens just a tad - and you find yourself thinking, Really? I don’t have to do X? I could honestly just not do it?! #MindBlown

Further, if you do usually have a lot of familiar rhythms and routines this time of year, please remember that you CAN change the way ‘things are always done.’ 

6. experiment with new traditions

• You know what? Truth is, making that huge holiday meal exhausts me - it’s not fun anymore. Unless someone else takes that on, I’m voting for a potluck or take out.

• Thanks for the opportunity to participate in the workplace ‘Secret Santa’ gift exchange, but I’m going to opt out this year.

• I don’t feel like the usual Boxing Day board games. Instead, I’m going to light a candle for someone I’m grieving, put on a movie we used to watch and let sadness have its way with me.

If people give you some backlash and want you to stick with the familiar routines, simply kindly and unambiguously reiterate your no. You’re allowed to take care of yourself.

I just learned of the ‘Yes-No-Yes sandwich,’ if you want to try this on for size.

Here’s an example:

(Yes #1) Thanks so much for including me in the family gift exchange; I’ve loved it in the past.

(No) However, this year, I’ve made a firm commitment to take good care of my budget and tread lightly on the planet with few or no new gift purchases.

(Yes #2) That said, I can’t wait to watch everyone who participates enjoy the fun and I hope it’s a fabulous year for the old classic exchange.

7. Anticipate a Pain Point

Consider what may be difficult ahead. Anything predictable or familiar coming your way?

For example:

• Eating more sugar or drinking more alcohol than your body wants?

• Grieving someone and anticipating (or already) missing them this time of year?

• Enduring your cousin’s passive-aggressive comments about how you’re the only one who still doesn’t have a partner or kids (especially if you wish you did)?

• Feeling lonely and/or excluded by dominant cultural rites and celebrations?

• Simply overdoing it and getting stressed out or further depleted - energy, spending, etc…?

Once you see clearly what may stir up some pain or discomfort in you, choose one of those difficulties and consider how you could support yourself: maybe you could prevent that challenge or perhaps alleviate your suffering with thoughtful and kind practices to care for yourself.

So, here’s the summary:

1. Dump your jangle of to-do’s onto paper and calm your mind.

2. Consider what you actually want to do & put a star beside 3 items that you want to make sure happen in the next month or so - plan to protect those in your calendar.

3. What ONE thing could you do this week that might support everything?

4. Give yourself permission to do things differently at this time of year.

5. Let go of (at least) one thing on your list: lighten your load, friend!

6. Experiment with new traditions.

7. Anticipate a pain point and plan to prevent it / be extra kind to yourself.

Now I know you may barely have a spare moment as it is, but I seriously encourage you to make the 20 minutes to reflect and run through my little list. You may bang it out faster than you think.

Or just choose one of the above and see if that helps! Every little bit counts.

So often, when we make the time to plan and prepare, we save ourselves time and energy in the long term.

In any case, I’m wishing you a nourishing December that honors you; a month in which you experience peace, freedom and more of whatever you truly yearn for.

Big hug and care coming your way,

P.S. Are you longing to create some changes in your life in the coming year? Are you curious if a coach could help? If you’re ready to take a brave exploratory step, please book a free 60-minute consultation with me. I’d love to connect!

P.P.S. If you want to nestle a virtual retreat into your calendar for late January 2024, please check out Tending the Winter Garden. This is a gorgeous opportunity to honor: starting the year gently, the power of rest, and encouraging your dreams and new beginnings at a pace that aligns with seasonal rhythms. XO

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Nicola Holmes is a Life Coach who helps people turn their potent questions, dream and longings into inspired action. With warmth and wisdom, she’ll guide you to untangle constraints and cultivate courage to create a more aligned and joyful life. She has a BASc in Human Development, an MEd in Adult Learning and spent two decades working in the non-profit sector. Along with coaching for the past 14 years, she’s mama to two young spirited kids and dedicated to Buddhism. Having experienced long Covid and a move over the past two years, she brings deep empathy to others who are exploring how they’ve changed and who they’re becoming in turbulent times. Check out Nicola @nicolaholmescoach or join the email party for inspiration and resources to fuel the changes you want.